MAYBE I AM A SLUT

I find ‘one-night stands’ liberating. There is something about losing your ambitions for a night, letting loose and letting the liquor take you where it may. If I don’t feel the need to stay in contact with my sexual conquests, that’s my prerogative.

“Are you guys still chatting!?” – a question every girl is asked by her bffls after a random hookup

By now you’d think I’d be used to the empathetic yet condescending response from my bitties “it’s ok babe, guys are such jerks” and I am! I honestly have no interest in carrying on meaningless conversation for a few days with a stranger I used for a good time.

Here is some simple math: talking = feelings = messy = thanks, but no thanks

 

Talking leads to feelings. When you get to know someone, you form an opinion of them. Doesn’t matter if you end up liking them or hating them… you now have feelings.

Feelings are messy. Good or bad, feelings about someone get messy. I don’t need the shame spiral that will inevitably come upon finding out Mr. Lastnight is a total loser just as much as I don’t care for the attachment that will come from learning he is hilarious, intelligent, and wealthy.

When I have fun with someone I want to just chalk it up to a win and leave it at that. Right now I’m not looking for anything serious but when the time comes that I am.. well I don’t plan on finding it drunk in a bar.

love always – Emmi

MOM, I OWE IT ALL TO YOU

To my mother – I owe my life to you

1. You let me run away.  I was so young and immature but you treated my like an adult, and I appreciated that. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you to watch me leave. I hated you for not forcing me to come home but I can see now it was out of love. Those few weeks I were gone took a toll on the both of us, for that I am sorry. Now time has past and wounds have healed but I will forever be ashamed of my actions and the pain the inflicted upon you. Maybe it was my way of trying to get attention from you. I am thankful events panned out the way they did, for because of them we have a stronger relationship.
2. Your cuddles are simply the best.  Although I am no longer a little child I will never not love you affection. I crave your cuddles when it’s cold, when it’s rainy, when I am down, when I am alone. When I want nothing but silence and someone around me, I long for your loving arm to wrap around me like a security blanket. My favorite hugs are from you mom; they are the ones I steal when you are grumpy, I force you to hug me until you smile – I love seeing you smile.
3. We have very different brains but you have blessed me with ‘Nygaard Blood’  Two of my favorite qualities in myself are my stubbornness and my determination. I attribute both of these to you. Anytime I’m feeling defeated you’d simply say “Nygaards aren’t quitters!” and that is all the pep-talk I need from you. I can do anything, I am a Nygaard.
4. You are strong and healthy.  I mean that both mentally and physically. You are the best role-model ever! You have taught me the importance of a healthy lifestyle and how to live one in terms of eating and exercise. You have taught me through example how much more fun life is when you are self confident and energized. I hope I can one day have your thirst for life. You are my inspiration.
5. You are my mommy.                                                                                                “I’ll love you forever,                                                                                                        I’ll like you for always,                                                                                                     as long as I’m living,                                                                                                      my mommy you’ll be”
6. You always said I’d thank for the piano lessons… Well I’m sorry but I just can’t do that. The best thing you did was take me out of them so I’ll thank you for that instead! The practicing, the drive to and from lessons, the recitals AND those piano tapes we had to listen to in the car… I never enjoyed any of it. Thank you for taking me out young before I had a chance to get good.
7. Less is more.  Hands-down most important thing you ever taught me. I didn’t appreciate it much when I was young and wanted to were my roll-on sparkles all over my face but now, now I understand.
8. Go wash you face.  This is applicable in so many situations. Whenever I am feeling lethargic or mopey I can hear your voice telling me to ‘go wash your face.’ I also exercise this rule every night before bed. Doesn’t matter what state of mind I’m in or where I am sleeping I ALWAYS wash my face
9. I find it hard to talk to you about everything.  I know you say you wont judge but I just want you to be proud of me always. Remember when I was little and I would creep into your room at night when dad was away? I could always sleep better if I talked to you about things I was feeling guilty about. I have a slightly freer conscience now so I don’t tell you as much (plus my girlfriends are easier to talk to) but I sometimes wish that little girl, the one who had to tell you everything, wasn’t so hard to find.
10. I’m going to teach you how to dance.  I’m sorry for never teaching you all those times you asked when we were cooking together in the kitchen. I promise next time, I will teach you.

I love you Vic 😉