MAYBE I AM A SLUT

I find ‘one-night stands’ liberating. There is something about losing your ambitions for a night, letting loose and letting the liquor take you where it may. If I don’t feel the need to stay in contact with my sexual conquests, that’s my prerogative.

“Are you guys still chatting!?” – a question every girl is asked by her bffls after a random hookup

By now you’d think I’d be used to the empathetic yet condescending response from my bitties “it’s ok babe, guys are such jerks” and I am! I honestly have no interest in carrying on meaningless conversation for a few days with a stranger I used for a good time.

Here is some simple math: talking = feelings = messy = thanks, but no thanks

 

Talking leads to feelings. When you get to know someone, you form an opinion of them. Doesn’t matter if you end up liking them or hating them… you now have feelings.

Feelings are messy. Good or bad, feelings about someone get messy. I don’t need the shame spiral that will inevitably come upon finding out Mr. Lastnight is a total loser just as much as I don’t care for the attachment that will come from learning he is hilarious, intelligent, and wealthy.

When I have fun with someone I want to just chalk it up to a win and leave it at that. Right now I’m not looking for anything serious but when the time comes that I am.. well I don’t plan on finding it drunk in a bar.

love always – Emmi

BESTFRIEND

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So I have with friend Kim and she is honestly the best. I met her about a year and a half ago which I am SO SO SO thankful for. I love the show private practice very much and I am glad I do because it taught me something about my friendship with Kim.  Kim is my “anyways friend.”  For anyone who doesn’t know what that means, it’s simple: doesn’t matter what happens or what she does, I’ll be her friend anyways. In September I moved away.  I am not the kind of person that can maintain friendships with people who are far away from me, but for Kim I managed.  I have to give a huge shout out to the creator of menshumor cause that is pretty much the foundation of our friendship.

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This pretty much sums up the gist of Kim…

MOM, I OWE IT ALL TO YOU

To my mother – I owe my life to you

  1. You let me run away.  I was so young and immature but you treated my like an adult, and I appreciated that. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you to watch me leave. I hated you for not forcing me to come home but I can see now it was out of love. Those few weeks I were gone took a toll on the both of us, for that I am sorry. Now time has past and wounds have healed but I will forever be ashamed of my actions and the pain the inflicted upon you. Maybe it was my way of trying to get attention from you. I am thankful events panned out the way they did, for because of them we have a stronger relationship.
  2. Your cuddles are simply the best.  Although I am no longer a little child I will never not love you affection. I crave your cuddles when it’s cold, when it’s rainy, when I am down, when I am alone. When I want nothing but silence and someone around me, I long for your loving arm to wrap around me like a security blanket. My favorite hugs are from you mom; they are the ones I steal when you are grumpy, I force you to hug me until you smile – I love seeing you smile.
  3. We have very different brains but you have blessed me with ‘Nygaard Blood’  Two of my favorite qualities in myself are my stubbornness and my determination. I attribute both of these to you. Anytime I’m feeling defeated you’d simply say “Nygaards aren’t quitters!” and that is all the pep-talk I need from you. I can do anything, I am a Nygaard.
  4. You are strong and healthy.  I mean that both mentally and physically. You are the best role-model ever! You have taught me the importance of a healthy lifestyle and how to live one in terms of eating and exercise. You have taught me through example how much more fun life is when you are self confident and energized. I hope I can one day have your thirst for life. You are my inspiration.
  5. You are my mommy.                                                                                                “I’ll love you forever,                                                                                                        I’ll like you for always,                                                                                                     as long as I’m living,                                                                                                      my mommy you’ll be”
  6. You always said I’d thank for the piano lessons… Well I’m sorry but I just can’t do that. The best thing you did was take me out of them so I’ll thank you for that instead! The practicing, the drive to and from lessons, the recitals AND those piano tapes we had to listen to in the car… I never enjoyed any of it. Thank you for taking me out young before I had a chance to get good.
  7. Less is more.  Hands-down most important thing you ever taught me. I didn’t appreciate it much when I was young and wanted to were my roll-on sparkles all over my face but now, now I understand.
  8. Go wash you face.  This is applicable in so many situations. Whenever I am feeling lethargic or mopey I can hear your voice telling me to ‘go wash your face.’ I also exercise this rule every night before bed. Doesn’t matter what state of mind I’m in or where I am sleeping I ALWAYS wash my face
  9. I find it hard to talk to you about everything.  I know you say you wont judge but I just want you to be proud of me always. Remember when I was little and I would creep into your room at night when dad was away? I could always sleep better if I talked to you about things I was feeling guilty about. I have a slightly freer conscience now so I don’t tell you as much (plus my girlfriends are easier to talk to) but I sometimes wish that little girl, the one who had to tell you everything, wasn’t so hard to find.
  10. I’m going to teach you how to dance.  I’m sorry for never teaching you all those times you asked when we were cooking together in the kitchen. I promise next time, I will teach you.

I love you Vic 😉

OH THE SINGLE LIFE

First off let me just say I love being single!

Things I miss about having a boyfriend:

  • cuddles – I have the best stuffed elephant for that (see photo)
  • texting about all the stupid things that happen to me throughout the day – I have the best girl friends in the whole world for that

nuff said, I miss nothing. Ellie and I will be fine sans beau

the bestest cuddle buddy in town

One of the saddest things, in my opinion, is when people jump into relationships young and stay in them. I mean power to you if you can fall in love (and stick with) your ‘high-school-sweetheart’ I’m really not trying to bash that. I just cannot fathom falling in love with someone in highschool and staying with them my whole life. I am speaking from personal experience when I say the kid I was back then is not the same person I am today. I have grown so much since I’ve graduated and I have changed a lot about myself. I truly believe your 20’s are for self development and figuring out who you are, heck maybe even part of your 30s’s! I’m not saying swear off love either. I just think you need to be confident with the person you are before you can commit yourself to someone else. I think many, too many, young people feel they need someone in their life to help them feel justified and important.

  • Dont grow into the person you think your significant other wants you to be (odds are it will happen subconsciously) BE YOUR OWN PERSON
  • Dont hold onto the person from the past. I bet you have both changed since you were teens. Are you in love with the person you are with right now, or are you in love with the person they were when you met?
 love always – Emmi

SO THIS IS MY LIFE

Despite staying up way too late skpying with the greatest women I know (besides my mother) I woke up singing “I’m walking on sunshine”… Today has so much potential for greatness. It has been a while since I felt so chipper in the morning, I am super welcoming to the change!

TODO:

  • shower
  • make coffee
  • make blueberry pancakes
  • write essay
  • pack up life and get ready for move

Realistically I wish that list said lay in bed and watch movies but I am trying to have a productive day.

You know the expression ‘if you want to get something done ask a busy person”? I totally get it. Lately I have had so much free time I get nothing done, I keep telling myself ‘you have all day tomorrow and the next day and the day after that…’ and then I never get around to anything

I got distracted making my pancakes and the kinda turned into this…

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With enough syrup it isn’t even bad.

love always – Emmi

DONT KNOW WHAT YOU GOT TILL ITS GONE

So… my roommate moved out the other day. It’s weird, I don’t think I appreciated her company enough while she was here. Even when there was no talking, just having her around was reassuring. I am now all alone in the basement sweet of my too-big-too-empty little home. Everything about my place seems less full, the fridge, the bathrooms shelves, the shower shelves, EVERYTHING! I’m uncertain how I feel about it presently. I don’t mean that in a disrespectful way to my roomie whatsoever. I have love love loved living with her but there is something to be said for having your own space.

I wouldn’t say I’m lonely, or maybe I am, who knows! It’s a change and change is always nice. I might as well enjoy it while I can because 2 weeks from now I will be sharing a small apartment with 6-ish other individuals. G’luck with that one…

love always – Emmi